self preservation two
an eternal curiosity envelops my entire being. a deep yearning to understand the world, to understand people lies within. i wish to give to the world i love so much, and yet i feel all i do is take. i steal, i hoard, and i want the world to be mine. i take things, i take offers, i take love. where is the giving spirit of the two? does it lie within my childishness? my eternal curiosity? or is my giving spirit simply in my belief that my love is a gift to the world? my heart always feels full and overflowing, full of love for nature and the creatures that surround me, humans and animals alike. and yet, that fullness feels... false. this abundance of love for everything is still nothing. i want to give, i want to press my lips to everything on this earth in a kiss of appreciation, and yet i cannot. this world is beautiful, and continues to grow, and i exist in a perpetual limbo between love and emptiness. why must my love feel empty? why am i cursed with this curiosity that only puts distance between myself and the rest of humanity? why must i present differently in different scenarios? i play with these questions in my head like i'm holding a rock, feeling the smooth surfaces and jagged edges, but not knowing the truth that is inside.